Fake Adult

My entire body is bloating like a dead vermin on the side of the road. It’s filled with liquor and puss that’s starting to seep through all my pores. My bones ache and crack and all I can do at the end of each day is crawl into bed and sweat. I toss and turn until I can’t stop shivering and my sheets are soaked. My hair falls out in handfuls. My shower drain backs up to my ankles. With the teeth I have left, I rip at my fingernails until they bleed— it keeps the dirt out. I don’t want any dirt under them; I have to stay beautiful, you know. My clothes are worn and tattered. There’s a hole for every night I’ve spent sleeping in them far away from his bed. Some days, I have to steal change for the bus. Sometimes I steal food. I’m not homeless. I have no one to support. I have a full-time job. I just choose to neglect myself and my body. It’s not a conscious decision; it’s selfishness. It’s easier not to care or worry. It’s just so much easier to go on feeling like a pile of dogshit everyday.

Dec 14
I Have A Job

I can feel myself rotting everyday. I systematically work at my teeth and file them into grotesque busts while cavities labor sleepless nights tunneling their way to my nerves. Deep inside my molars, a stiff canary is cause for a celebratory round before forging deeper. One day, these bones will splinter and cascade out of my face all at once. Just the moment I’m not careful and give someone an uninhibited smile. I’ll leave them— ice cubes fermenting in my whiskey glass. And once they’re finally gone, I’ll beam at everyone. And I’ll talk and talk about the things I’ve seen and done and felt. My big, beautiful brain will radiate out of the holes they leave behind and enchant entire rooms. Everyone I meet will think, How wonderful and insightful, yet peculiar she is, I can’t quite pinpoint it. They’ll shake their heads, But how unfortunate. Then they’ll take a moment to let me flit around in their minds and, like that, they’ll turn back to their drinks and go about their lives and forget. And the day their teeth begin to throb and pulsate, they’ll rush to the dentists to have their mouths wired shut. 

Dec 14
I Need to Go to the Dentist